Experience, nothing like it.

I adore New York ; never been there ,but still like no one else. Given a choice I would shift to the city in a flash. But I can’t. I am a man of circumstances. They dictate my future. I was born in a country where there is long queue ( read 3-4 years) for immigration. Everyone wants to get the hell out of here as soon as first opportunity arrises. Who can blame Man ?  Man always had desire to do better for himself. That’s ok.

On Saturday & Sunday , I am usually free to do what I want. But I never do anything except eating & staring at my laptop. I live in a city which I hate last 6 years. Population is humongous. So , introvert like me is even afraid to step out of door .

I love sunset. But never went to see. I love dancing in rains. But never did. I love parks. But we don’t have one. I love trains . But they are smelly & crowded. I love walking. But there is no quiet place.  I love going to libraries . But we don’t have one.  I love falling in love. But I am afraid of  honour killing here .

Basically, I have been spending last 6 years’ of my weekend hiding in my room & waiting to somehow land in USA to enjoy my freedom.

Meantime I try to IMAGINE what it is like to live in New York while staring at ceiling. I try to IMAGINE what it is like to roam in the Central Park. I try to IMAGINE what it is like looking from the top of the Empire State building. I try hard to IMAGINE what it is like to immerse oneself in a crowd of Times Square. I try to IMAGINE enjoying broadway show with like minded people.  I try to IMAGINE what it is like to have philosophical conversation with your best friend while gazing at the Statue of Liberty. I try to IMAGINE what freedom tastes like.

But Guess what ? I CAN’T I CAN’T

It KILLS me that my brain isn’t capable of doing those things. I can’t imagine any of those how hard I try , how long I try.

I can’t CREATE experience via Imagination. I can’t.

That is feeling of Man who is helpless in front of circumstances. The Man who is waiting to live his life. The Man who already lost 1/3 of his life WAITING. The Man who sees no immediate sign of LIFE coming to his life. The Man who is just imagine things. The Man who has not yet EXPERIENCE the life he wants. The Man is counting on his good luck. The Man who prays almighty to help him to get his TRUE life back. The Man who is just creature of its circumstance and nothing else..


WHY was I born in India ?

WHY is that there is something like India & something like America , WHY NOT everything like America?

WHY am I alive?

WHY am I going through these suffering?

WHY am I not rich ?

WHY have I to struggle ?

WHY do I care ?



WHY the fuck was I involved in this cold blooded universe?

WHY is HE quite ?

WHY is HE doing this?

WHY is HE not blowing this planet and universe into flames?


Internet & Laptop => My lifelong partners

Many people won’t believe me here in India as well as our western countries that I completed my engineering (Bachelor Degree) without laptop. Even I don’t. Somehow I won the gold medal from Electronics & Telecommunication department.  Without laptop, which is hard to believe because nowadays even kindergarten kids are using it.  The reason I had no laptop was our middle class background. I was on education loan. It covered tuition fee & hostel expenses. Laptop was luxury item. Only rich people could afford them. This was in 2006.

No laptop means no internet. If memory serves me right, my only presence on Internet was in the form of Orkut & Gmail. I used to think Facebook was white people thing. I was dead wrong. That means I was unaware of vast knowledge which resides in  Internet. I was a fish in fishtank.  I was naive young guy who had no idea about capabilities of Internet. However, I don’t myself because that is perk of being born in third world nation. You are always late as compared developed nation.

2010 I completed my graduation. Then after working 2 years in Software Industry, I decided to buy TV before Laptop. Can you believe it ? TV before Laptop ? Why ? I am glad you asked TV price= 8k and Laptop price = 30K . Oh yeah, money is honey.  After using it for 1 year, I realised TV is waste of time. I need Laptop, not want but need. So , in 2013 I dared to buy a cheap Laptop & Data Connection. The best investment I ever made or only investment I ever made.

This post is coming to you courtesy the same laptop & same internet connection. They instantly became part of me. I found myself immersed on Internet. Finally the fish had arrived in sea. My internet presence grew exponentially. My mind started expanding. My mind was no longer third world entity , it had transcended into Universal Force. It saw no limit.My body did but it didn’t. It was liberating experience. I soon realised how small I was, how little I knew and how much I can learn.

Fast forward today, I spent more money on Internet than my food , again perks of living in third world nation. Did I tell you how much I love being in this country ?? Did I ? I dare you ask me . Any way , Laptop + Internet are my partners in success story that is being written. Without them I am just a fish ready to die. With them , I am shark inching to rule the world. Eager to leave my long lasting legacy on this planet. With them, life has a meaning. Without them , I am just decaying flesh. I am really grateful to all those people who invented Laptop & Internet. They have no idea what it means to people like me.

Let me just modify Leonardo DiCaprio words. “Let’s not take this moment granted. Let’s not take opportunities for granted. Let’s not take all the privileges like Laptop , Internet etc. for granted. Look around , appreciate what you inherited by just being born in right family at right time. See what you got by default without even asking , without even fighting for it. This applies to me as well. Let’s not take this life granted”

Marriage & Children Vs Individual Happiness

Out of 4 friends I have , three are already married. One is enjoying himself in London as he discovered what a full bottle (quality) of wine can do to your nervous system. We all are 27-29 age group. I am happy for them.

As far as I am concerned , I am almost 28 , and still don’t see marriage happening in near future( 2 years). My parents don’t like this.  This is India. Indian culture. Marriage is sacred cow. After 25, everyone in the village starts asking “When are you getting married?” . I am like ,” Who are you Sir ?”  That is the way it is. I was born here so culture is culture same like Brexit means Brexit.

As you might already know my style of writing, I don’t give fuck to other people except my family.  I am still not excited about getting married. Rather I am terrified of it. I see with my very eyes this nation crumbling under stress of population. I see 4-5 members families living in one room. No privacy at all.

I can’t picture my daughter living in this hell. I can’t tolerate love of my life suffering in this hell. No way I am getting married in this country. I am physically incapable of loving anyone even me in this toxic environment. Even if I get married here , I am sure my wife will leave me in two months. I am pretty sure of that.

Being single is not that bad. I have small hall, kitchen for myself. I can do whatever I want. I can sleep whenever I want. I study at any time. I don’t have to take responsibility of one more person. I don’t have to  take another person for movie , garden ( In India we actually don’t have any privacy spot.SICK) .  I don’t have to change diaper of crying baby. I don’t have to SAVE money for my daughter education & cut down expenses on my study. (In India)

It is sick to see people starting family when they can’t even afford to fund one person’s decent life. It’s like let’s ruin four more lives with me. And that FYI is INDIAN culture.

However deep down  I do want to settle , get married & have four kids. Wonderful family just like Mr.Trump. I wish I was not born here and forced to choose between my individual happiness & marriage-children . That is sad life.  It fascinates me what life forces me to do. Sadly ,I am creature of my circumstances , not good position for a man who loves liberty.


What is the greatest thing about being a Hindu?

Source : Quora 

1) Believe in god! – you’re accepted – Aastik

2) Don’t believe in god! – You’re accepted – Nastik

3) You want to worship idols , please go ahead

4) You dont want to worship idols, please go a ahead.

5) You want to criticise something in our religion. Come forward. We are logical. You will be Hindu.

6) You want to accept as it is. Please go ahead with it.

7) You want to start your journey by reading bhagvad gita – Go ahead

8) You want to start your journey by reading Upanishads – Go ahead.

9) You want to start your journey by reading Purans – Go ahead.

10) You just don’t like reading. No problem. Go by Bhakti tradition . ( bhakti- devotion)

11) You don’t like idea of Bhakti! No problem, dude. Do your karma.

12) You want to enjoy life. Very good. Go ahead. No problem at all. Charvaka Philosophy

13) You want to abstain from all the enjoyment of life & find god. Wow! Be a Sadhu!

14) You don’t like the concept of God. You believe in Nature only. – Welcome.

vrukshavalli amha soyare” (Trees are our friends)

15) You believe in one god or supreme energy. Superb! Follow Advaita philosophy.

16) You want a Guru. Go ahead.

17) You don’t want a Guru. Go ahead.

18) You believe in Female energy. Welcome! Shaktiism form of Hinduism.

19) You believe every human is the same. Yeah! You’re awesome, come let’s celebrate Hinduism! “Vasudhaiva kutumbakam” (the world is a family)

20) You don’t have anything to do. Don’t worry. One more festival is coming!

21) You are a working person. Don’t have time for religion. Its okay. You will be a Hindu.

22) You like to go to temples. Please go ahead.

23) You don’t like to go to temples, no problem. You are still a Hindu!

24) You know that your religion is a way of life. With freedom.

25) You believe that everything have god in them. So you worship your mother, father, guru, tree, River, Prani-matra, Earth, Universe!

26) And If you don’t believe that everything have god in them – No problems. Respect your viewpoint.

27) “sarve sukhin santu” (May all live happy.) “Sarve bhavantu sukhinah” (May all llve happy) You represent this!

You’re free to choose, my dear Hindu!

Avoid India if

  1. you don’t want to people stare at you incessantly
  2. you don’t want smell urine everywhere
  3. you don’t want to walk on shit
  4. you don’t want reduce your life by 5 years due to pollution
  5. you don’t want to see dirty beaches
  6. you don’t want to see how poor indian lives
  7. you don’t want to see how morality mean nothing and no one gives shit
  8. you don’t want to be treated as White God
  9. you don’t want to be looted in the street
  10. you don’t want to sweat like hell

Go for Australia, Europe, Canada, Singapore , Dubai .  Please don’t come to India. We have our own shit too much actually  to take care of. God gave you good life , thank Him & enjoy that. WILL YOU ?


My imaginary Love is My drug

Last time I fell in love ( imaginary = the girl I like never usually know that I like her ) was in 2013.  So for 6 months I was on that drug. I was floating in the air. Romantic songs, smile  and all that chemical things. Then it ended in my mind . Last 2 years had been quite . I studied, went to Germany. Didn’t had too much interaction with girls so I couldn’t get into drugs. By the way , Freiburg is dreamy city. I meant , the best to place to enjoy the drug. But I couldn’t. Though I didn’t miss it because I was focussed on my study.

Now I am back in India.  And I NEED the drug. I need it to remain myself sane in this third world crap. I hate everything here almost everything. I hate people here. Too many people. Why on earth did they not masturbated instead of fucking & producing like rats ?? WHY?

This is living hell. This is the place where you want to die. This is the place where you beg for death. This is the place where you curse the almighty. This is the place where you suffer. This is the place where you throw up in your mouth & second after that swallow it with your pride.

I need drug to remain normal . I need the drug to find piece of heaven in this hell.

15 days ago , I saw her. She is beautiful. Her eyes speak love. I felt the connection. I want to see her everyday. I want her smile to shine on my day. I want to speak to her. I want to her to breathe heaven into my hell. I want her to make me less toxic in this hostile place.

Everyday I go early & wait for her class to over. When I see her , that is my drug. I don’t know if I am out her league. Doesn’t matter. It never did. Remember this is my imaginary love. She doesn’t need to know. Although, I avoid staring at her. I don’t want her feel uncomfortable. Just glimpse is enough to pass through day in hell.

Bad thing is her class might end in next 30 days and mine will be on for next 2 months. So, there is expiry date. That’s ok. That is life. I may never see her again like all my past imaginary love. Time is  good at healing. I am good at getting healed.