America, I wish I didn’t know you.

( No edit  Just writing )

I was 6 0r 7 years old when I heard a word “America”. It felt good to hear. It got register in my heart permanently. It used to make appearance here & there in newspapers , TV. I was a kid from lower middle class family living in a small village of India’s west coast. I wish I didn’t hear the word “America”. Little did I know then that my youth is going affected like never before when I would get addicted to idea of being in America.

I am 27 now , soon 28. I should have got married by now. I should have settled like my friends did. Married, Wife, Happy Parents, Peace with life. No, that is not the case. There is no peace in my life. I had just returned from Germany where my master study abrupted by lack of finance. I lost two years worth of my life. And lot money I ashamed to admit. I have put my parents into a lot of pain . My siblings have suffered. But look at me , I am still adamant on idea of “being in America”. I wish I could delete America from memory. I can’t be at peace with my life till my feet the land of opportunity.

I wish I was born there. I wish I was there already eliminating rat race which I have to go through to get there. I am loosing my life. My time . My money. My health.  So I am not really sure when I get there I will be able to enjoy. If I reach there by 30 & married. How on earth I am going to enjoy my life at NYC? Forget enjoyment can I afford it?  Someone will say move to another city , what is the point of going through all this and just to let go my goal , bucket list. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know when sun is going to shine. I don’t know when the  night is going to end. I don’t know if I will there when this done. I don’t know….

 

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