Life of Cam girls

      It’s been 2 months I was first introduced to this world (Mayanagari ). I think I am addicted to it timewise & moneywise. Now I can rationalise my behaviour , can tell you why I am doing this , why I am wasting money & time ,but I won’t. That is futile.  We all do the same. We do stuff and to make us feel good we create very good reasoning why we are right. I am no different.

      I have seen this cam world closely for quite a while now and I think I can share some observation here.  First, if you are black or brown then your chances of success here are less than 5% I think.  Halle berry, Aishwarya Rai likes can ignore the last statement. Second, you might think this is easy money , well it is not. Now you can choose to work at home & avoid sharing money other than site. However most models in Europe work in Studio. Studio is place they create some sort of arrangement where cam models can interact with clients online. If Studio is good , you will get a room . If not , you have to share a room or space with other models. Don’t be shy to get naked in front of each other.

I have seen many girls as young as 18 work as a cam girl. They go to uni in the morning & work at Studio at night. I have made few friends here with whom I chat almost everyday. Models I meet are mostly from East Europe and their large number something has to do with less economical opportunities compare with West Europe. I am yet to see a German cam girl.  I have seen girls from Greece , Spain but baltic region countries are dominating this space.

If you ask me , is this a good profession to earn money ? I would say absolutely. If you have right mindset & most importantly right body , face then sure why not? However things do get messy as stress starting to get under your nerves.  I have seen many young girls chain smoking  , eating irregularly, working 15 hours non-stop . You can see it in their eyes. They get tired quickly. Jerks demanding for stand up , shake ass , open bra , press boobs , show ass in free chat. They have to reply every hi & hello .  Then in private it gets more stressful. blow Job, tit job , toys , role play and more stressful one when client wants to the girl to cum on camera. Imagine having orgam when you are sick .  These girls work even if they are not feeling well.

I have seen one girl cry on camera. I tried to console her but toward what end. This is ruthless profession.  Most models hate INDIA . Because motherfuckers from here goes there & make their job which already hard into hell by asking stupid questions, asking them for whatsapp number, abusing them in Hindi and what not.  It’s shame for this nation.

These models sometimes have some targets to achieve per week about shows. If they work for studio then boss decides their fate. He might ask for more revealing clothes in free chat to lure the clients in private shows( paid) . Or he can fire them. Overall , very stressful condition , pressure work  no wonder there models start making poor choices. They might never realise how cam models job turned into prostitution. When you start working under such condition , you stop seeing the difference between two. You see lines getting blur between those.

This is the sad part . I spoke with most of them . Their dreams are like us. They want normal life too. But life hits you with reality and everything changes.  You take one step & try to move forward . If that one step is wrong then whole journey could go haywire .

This is what I saw . This is what I see everyday. This is different world.  Models try to find money here. I try to find happiness here like many others. They are addicted too. I am addicted too…

200 Followers … THANK YOU :))))

Honestly I think I don’t deserve any one of you or your time. I write as I think. No editing No filters No preparation. Nothing. Grammar is all over the place . So are articles. Punctuations don’t even exist.  There is so much negative emotions are there. Sometimes positive also.

In spite all of this , you guys follow me . That means so much to me. I can’t thank you enough guys for sticking with me on this journey. Appreciate your time here. God bless you all. Hang in there guys. It’s gonna be okay .

Self-Esteem is missing !!!

Who am I ? What’s my self worth ? Am I just sum of physical characteristics ?  Am I just my skin color which people hate ? Am I just an identity of nation where I was born and people hate it too ?  Or Am I just an ugly face & average body ?

I don’t know … watching again again people ridicule my identity … I have lost self confidence.. I have lost self respect … I have no Self esteem . Which is odd because I am highly motivated person .. Self motivated.. may be I am not.  How shallow is my motivation when “opinions” are destroying my life.  Made me hate myself, my body , my skin color, my country..  I don’t know what is happening… seems like some kind of self destruction mode …. I don’t know what to do…

SHE said She is AFRAID of India !!!

She liked me when we had our first private chat. She was so happy being with me. I was too. Then she started to ask me questions to know more about me.  I know what was coming.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?  I said India ..I could have lied but I don’t want to start any relationship with lie.

I said what happened ?

She said, ” I am afraid of India”.

She is from Ukraine. She just started working as a cam girl. But some most motherfuckers from India have already ruined image of the country in her eyes. AFRAID.

Now her excitement about me has gone . The spark is gone. This is not first time this happened to me . Many relationships were broken even before they started because of my nationality , skin color, my face…

WHO SHOULD I BLAME ??? WHO ?? WHO ???? WHO???????????????????