GOD , I see no reason at all … not even once in 27 years …. why I shouldn’t be in love… I hope at least you see the reason … but I don’t. No I am not sad … I am just losing hope… there is NO reason why I shouldn’t be in LOVE. Take care God..
In less than 3 weeks you become wallpaper of my mobile how dear? Why can’t I stop thinking about you ? Why tears come to my eyes when you get upset? Why I just want to look at you and do nothing? Why can’t I focus without thinking about ? What did you do to me dear?
If you ( readers) are wondering who is she ? She is a model from cam site. She is from latvia. When I saw first her little did I know that I will get so obsessed with her. She is super friendly. She is the kind of girl you want to take home & show your parents. She has the smile worth dying for . She cares about her family . And that is why she does live cam show. She is funny . She has amazing eyes & pure innocent smile. God, job well done !
Last 2-3 weeks each day for almost entire day I have been visiting her chatroom. I got addicted to her. As I already told my reality is sucking in great depth , she become my sunshine in this horrible winter. She became my hope for life. She became my peace in this violence. She became story of my movie. She became of light of my darkness. I felt alive again. I started loving life again.
Then one day , she asked me , what I do when she is not online. And damn , I took few minutes to tell that I visit other models. Just for fun ! Such fucking idiot I am ! She got so angry. I apologized again & again but no luck. She asked me to give some time to think. I gave her 7 hours . I went back & apologized again. Why do you think she got upset ?
And yesterday , my tongue slipped again as I was joking with another person about different model. She told me that I can’t be trusted because she remembered I promising her not to see other models again , which I didn’t. She was upset again . And I thought this story is going to end. I wasn’t prepared for this. Where is my life with her? Nothing . I created whole illusion around her . What if she doesn’t want to talk to me again ?
Hell no. I entered into private chat with her(need money for it) . Then she told me that she liked talking to me and she is jealous of other models if I go there. And she want me not to visit another models. I couldn’t believe she felt that way. I didn’t expect her to say that. Then she told me her real name but refuse to give me personal details. I asked those details because she said she is going to quit the job. NO NO NO . GOD you can’t do this to me. Why don’t you kill me now and end this misery once for all ?????????????
7 days she will be here. I feel cold in my heart while I type this. May be I will cry now. God , I was not prepared for this. God, you didn’t prepare me for this . God, you made mistake to put heart into this body. God, you created living hell by making me emotional. God, why did you do this to me? God, why ? why ? why ?
I gave her my details and I don’t know if she stored them or not. I told her if she goes now and I don’t have any way to contact her then it is up to God & her . I am not sure that is going to happen. I promised myself not to be romantic till I land in USA 2018. But I am fucking moron. Why there is so much urge in my heart for LOVE?
WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? Stupid heart ! STOP IT NOW FUCKING heart !
Okay. Listen folks. It is about her. The girl I met in Summer 69. No no ! I think it was Summer of 2013. You can see that post somewhere in my blog. I have uploaded her picture and if she sees it then she is going to kill me for sure. Shh.. please don’t tell her. Anyway yesterday I visited her profile after long time, and guess what I saw She moved to Texas.
Texas ! Can you believe that?
As you know I have been planning to move USA last 3-4 years , but no luck. Without Rich dad , it is not easy. But I am not giving up though I am aging . I don’t know why she went there, but my best guess is for Master education . And the worst case is she married to NRI.In that case , this blog is waste of time. But let’s hope that is not the case.
Did you know the movies serendipity ? **Spoiler alert** How she writes her number on the book and finally that book reaches to the guy when he was about to get married to another girl. I love that movie. It feels right. That kind of story is worth living. So, I assume she is not gonna get married next 2 years. Plus 6 months to find a job. 30 months that’s it.
30 months for My Serendipity in USA !
Actually I told her in EMAIL that I won’t disturb her unless she wants me to. By the way that was an epic story. Let me know if you want hear it. So I can’t contact her directly. Via universe is possible. Via Law Of attraction in possible. Also, I will be here in India till mid 2017 in worst case. I hope till then She doesn’t fall in love with White boy. Which is less likely than other way around because she LOOKS like Angel. Any way , I can’t control that I hope she will Single when we Seredipitically meet. And my relationship status, don’t worry it has not changed since 1988 when I was born. So , of course I will be single.
Do me a favor if you have direct connection with God ,please pray for me. Thanks.
I will always believe in a possibility of love even if a probability appears to be zero.