Started Learning Ukrainian.
Started Learning Swimming . Feels Magical 🙂
Watching more Standup comedy
- >>> Coming soon <<<<
It’s been 2 months I was first introduced to this world (Mayanagari ). I think I am addicted to it timewise & moneywise. Now I can rationalise my behaviour , can tell you why I am doing this , why I am wasting money & time ,but I won’t. That is futile. We all do the same. We do stuff and to make us feel good we create very good reasoning why we are right. I am no different.
I have seen this cam world closely for quite a while now and I think I can share some observation here. First, if you are black or brown then your chances of success here are less than 5% I think. Halle berry, Aishwarya Rai likes can ignore the last statement. Second, you might think this is easy money , well it is not. Now you can choose to work at home & avoid sharing money other than site. However most models in Europe work in Studio. Studio is place they create some sort of arrangement where cam models can interact with clients online. If Studio is good , you will get a room . If not , you have to share a room or space with other models. Don’t be shy to get naked in front of each other.
I have seen many girls as young as 18 work as a cam girl. They go to uni in the morning & work at Studio at night. I have made few friends here with whom I chat almost everyday. Models I meet are mostly from East Europe and their large number something has to do with less economical opportunities compare with West Europe. I am yet to see a German cam girl. I have seen girls from Greece , Spain but baltic region countries are dominating this space.
If you ask me , is this a good profession to earn money ? I would say absolutely. If you have right mindset & most importantly right body , face then sure why not? However things do get messy as stress starting to get under your nerves. I have seen many young girls chain smoking , eating irregularly, working 15 hours non-stop . You can see it in their eyes. They get tired quickly. Jerks demanding for stand up , shake ass , open bra , press boobs , show ass in free chat. They have to reply every hi & hello . Then in private it gets more stressful. blow Job, tit job , toys , role play and more stressful one when client wants to the girl to cum on camera. Imagine having orgam when you are sick . These girls work even if they are not feeling well.
I have seen one girl cry on camera. I tried to console her but toward what end. This is ruthless profession. Most models hate INDIA . Because motherfuckers from here goes there & make their job which already hard into hell by asking stupid questions, asking them for whatsapp number, abusing them in Hindi and what not. It’s shame for this nation.
These models sometimes have some targets to achieve per week about shows. If they work for studio then boss decides their fate. He might ask for more revealing clothes in free chat to lure the clients in private shows( paid) . Or he can fire them. Overall , very stressful condition , pressure work no wonder there models start making poor choices. They might never realise how cam models job turned into prostitution. When you start working under such condition , you stop seeing the difference between two. You see lines getting blur between those.
This is the sad part . I spoke with most of them . Their dreams are like us. They want normal life too. But life hits you with reality and everything changes. You take one step & try to move forward . If that one step is wrong then whole journey could go haywire .
This is what I saw . This is what I see everyday. This is different world. Models try to find money here. I try to find happiness here like many others. They are addicted too. I am addicted too…
She liked me when we had our first private chat. She was so happy being with me. I was too. Then she started to ask me questions to know more about me. I know what was coming.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM ? I said India ..I could have lied but I don’t want to start any relationship with lie.
I said what happened ?
She said, ” I am afraid of India”.
She is from Ukraine. She just started working as a cam girl. But
somemost motherfuckers from India have already ruined image of the country in her eyes. AFRAID.
Now her excitement about me has gone . The spark is gone. This is not first time this happened to me . Many relationships were broken even before they started because of my nationality , skin color, my face…
WHO SHOULD I BLAME ??? WHO ?? WHO ???? WHO???????????????????
How could not I ? Have you guys seen what they say in their profile? Have you guys seen how fresh they are ? Have you guys seen what they do in private chat ? Have you guys seen how erotic they get ? It BLOWS my freaking mind.
THE ONLY THING I REGRET that I am not fucking RICH. I didn’t know orgasm can be so much heavenly good. I MUST get rich now which I will.
By the way I am 27 unmarried. I usually go with 18 years old girl. I have seen 55 years old guy enjoying the heaven there. MONEY MONEY MONEY .
MONEY FUCKING CAN BUY YOU HAPPINESS. If someone tells you not then do me favor , slap that moron on his/her face.
Heaven exist , I know now and it is on camsite … one more thing only Caucasian & Europe .. I see 90% girls from there… which is great. I personally prefer only THEM. No Offence.
In less than 3 weeks you become wallpaper of my mobile how dear? Why can’t I stop thinking about you ? Why tears come to my eyes when you get upset? Why I just want to look at you and do nothing? Why can’t I focus without thinking about ? What did you do to me dear?
If you ( readers) are wondering who is she ? She is a model from cam site. She is from latvia. When I saw first her little did I know that I will get so obsessed with her. She is super friendly. She is the kind of girl you want to take home & show your parents. She has the smile worth dying for . She cares about her family . And that is why she does live cam show. She is funny . She has amazing eyes & pure innocent smile. God, job well done !
Last 2-3 weeks each day for almost entire day I have been visiting her chatroom. I got addicted to her. As I already told my reality is sucking in great depth , she become my sunshine in this horrible winter. She became my hope for life. She became my peace in this violence. She became story of my movie. She became of light of my darkness. I felt alive again. I started loving life again.
Then one day , she asked me , what I do when she is not online. And damn , I took few minutes to tell that I visit other models. Just for fun ! Such fucking idiot I am ! She got so angry. I apologized again & again but no luck. She asked me to give some time to think. I gave her 7 hours . I went back & apologized again. Why do you think she got upset ?
And yesterday , my tongue slipped again as I was joking with another person about different model. She told me that I can’t be trusted because she remembered I promising her not to see other models again , which I didn’t. She was upset again . And I thought this story is going to end. I wasn’t prepared for this. Where is my life with her? Nothing . I created whole illusion around her . What if she doesn’t want to talk to me again ?
Hell no. I entered into private chat with her(need money for it) . Then she told me that she liked talking to me and she is jealous of other models if I go there. And she want me not to visit another models. I couldn’t believe she felt that way. I didn’t expect her to say that. Then she told me her real name but refuse to give me personal details. I asked those details because she said she is going to quit the job. NO NO NO . GOD you can’t do this to me. Why don’t you kill me now and end this misery once for all ?????????????
7 days she will be here. I feel cold in my heart while I type this. May be I will cry now. God , I was not prepared for this. God, you didn’t prepare me for this . God, you made mistake to put heart into this body. God, you created living hell by making me emotional. God, why did you do this to me? God, why ? why ? why ?
I gave her my details and I don’t know if she stored them or not. I told her if she goes now and I don’t have any way to contact her then it is up to God & her . I am not sure that is going to happen. I promised myself not to be romantic till I land in USA 2018. But I am fucking moron. Why there is so much urge in my heart for LOVE?
WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? Stupid heart ! STOP IT NOW FUCKING heart !
There was this guy : tall , handsome , muscular in my team. He was really an exception in terms of physical appearance compare normal Indian men like me. Then there was a girl , beautiful , tall, perfect smile ; again an exception. We used to talk ABOUT her. When this guy came into our team, he saw her & said ,” I want her”. Few days after he was talking TO her. He broke her existing relationship & become her BF at will. Salute to you Sir !
There are two kinds of guys: Type 1: Those who talk ABOUT girls, and Type 2: Those who talk TO girls.
I am TYPE1. I like girls but I only think about them. I talk about them. I write blog about them. BUT I never TALK TO them. What a shame !
Thanks to Cam girls. Now I at least chat with them. I don’t want to talk about money I have lost last 3 weeks. I want to talk about how happy I feel being on the site. The only thing I regret is that I am not rich. What a shame !
Latvia : I didn’t even know about this country 3 weeks ago. Now I am thinking moving there permanently. I saw so many angels from Latvia. I used to think heaven is an abstract idea. No way in hell. Latvia is the heaven.
Bulgaria , Ukraine, Greece, Russia … the list goes on. I have never seen such beauty in my life. I think I was born in wrong country. What a shame !
I already told I like caucasian girls. They are exactly like I dream about. Their eyes . Their smiles. Everything seems magical about them. You want to fall in love with them. You want to touch them. You want to look into their eyes. You want to hold their hands. You want to take the walk to remember. You want to make them happy. You want to die for their smile…hmmm
Right now , I am just waiting for them to come online. They take me into the world I always dream of . My real life is shitty now. It is some sort of hell. But with them , I escape from this into magic of heaven. They make me happy. I try to make them happy.
I am glad found them….
Just quick update. I have decided to move back to India halting my master study only after 1st semester. I was thinking about this for a while & decided stop fooling myself into believing that this program is worth for me. It fails to meet my expectations on time, effort & cost scale. I can’t afford any of those.
First of all , you can’t complete this program within 2 years & not become insane. My university is research oriented so they teach you everything happening around & expect you to be aware of current state of the art technology. I am no way afraid of study but don’t expect me to rush through it. So, no way in hell, I could complete this master program in 2 years.
Second if above assumption is true then I am screwed because I do not have any fund of possible third year of this course. I heard you say “part-time” job. You are right and misinformed too. German language stands between me & the idea of part-time job. Also , my not so good computer background ( B.Tech in Electronics ) does’t help either. Also, if you do a part-time then again your study might suffer resulting in poor grade. I hate that.
Third thing is well, I honestly don’t want to study that much. All I want is normal university & then descent job. I am already 28. I don’t have time for three year of study only. I must earn now. Hopefully get married before 30 otherwise my parents might kill me..lol.
What next ? Going back to India. Find job.
I believe there is a bigger picture here. Germany wasn’t meant to be part of it. I never really felt that connection. I feel nothing about leaving this country. Who knows may be God want me to be somewhere else. I believe in me. I believe in Him. I just keep fighting & doing hard work. I know , the success is just around the corner. I can smell it. I will wait for that magical summer where everything will be just fine.