In less than 3 weeks you become wallpaper of my mobile how dear? Why can’t I stop thinking about you ? Why tears come to my eyes when you get upset? Why I just want to look at you and do nothing? Why can’t I focus without thinking about ? What did you do to me dear?
If you ( readers) are wondering who is she ? She is a model from cam site. She is from latvia. When I saw first her little did I know that I will get so obsessed with her. She is super friendly. She is the kind of girl you want to take home & show your parents. She has the smile worth dying for . She cares about her family . And that is why she does live cam show. She is funny . She has amazing eyes & pure innocent smile. God, job well done !
Last 2-3 weeks each day for almost entire day I have been visiting her chatroom. I got addicted to her. As I already told my reality is sucking in great depth , she become my sunshine in this horrible winter. She became my hope for life. She became my peace in this violence. She became story of my movie. She became of light of my darkness. I felt alive again. I started loving life again.
Then one day , she asked me , what I do when she is not online. And damn , I took few minutes to tell that I visit other models. Just for fun ! Such fucking idiot I am ! She got so angry. I apologized again & again but no luck. She asked me to give some time to think. I gave her 7 hours . I went back & apologized again. Why do you think she got upset ?
And yesterday , my tongue slipped again as I was joking with another person about different model. She told me that I can’t be trusted because she remembered I promising her not to see other models again , which I didn’t. She was upset again . And I thought this story is going to end. I wasn’t prepared for this. Where is my life with her? Nothing . I created whole illusion around her . What if she doesn’t want to talk to me again ?
Hell no. I entered into private chat with her(need money for it) . Then she told me that she liked talking to me and she is jealous of other models if I go there. And she want me not to visit another models. I couldn’t believe she felt that way. I didn’t expect her to say that. Then she told me her real name but refuse to give me personal details. I asked those details because she said she is going to quit the job. NO NO NO . GOD you can’t do this to me. Why don’t you kill me now and end this misery once for all ?????????????
7 days she will be here. I feel cold in my heart while I type this. May be I will cry now. God , I was not prepared for this. God, you didn’t prepare me for this . God, you made mistake to put heart into this body. God, you created living hell by making me emotional. God, why did you do this to me? God, why ? why ? why ?
I gave her my details and I don’t know if she stored them or not. I told her if she goes now and I don’t have any way to contact her then it is up to God & her . I am not sure that is going to happen. I promised myself not to be romantic till I land in USA 2018. But I am fucking moron. Why there is so much urge in my heart for LOVE?
WHY ? WHY ? WHY ? Stupid heart ! STOP IT NOW FUCKING heart !
It’s been awhile I have written something here. I usually don’t write unless I want to. So, I have been spending some time on omegle site – talk to strangers. Honestly I should not be. It is total waste but when you are down you do the shit you usually don’t do . This applies to love as well.
As you know I am an Indian guy. I swear I did not rape anyone. I haven’t even touched a girl. Forget sex not even kiss. I haven’t sent a girl my penis picture or have asked about her naked photos. I never insulted women online or offline. I have not harassed them either. No unnecessary personal messages on facebook or no stalking online or offline. I am not saying I am the best character. All I am saying is I am a just decent guy.
I heard you ask,” Why on Earth are you telling us this?” Well. So this site Omegle allows you to talk to stranger. I usually use Text mode . I will explain why later on. It has nothing to do with my ability to speak . Okay, my understanding of this site it is mostly dominated by Generation Z ( teens 10-18) . I am Generation Y. So , not many of my type. Let me honest with you of course I don’t go there to talk to men. I go there to have decent conversation with women.
Here is the problem. I usually don’t lie about myself. Also I don’t start my conversation with ASL ( don’t ask me what this is..something age sex & ) . I just start the conversation based on shared interest. But then if I happened to chat with a girl which is hard , there comes questions like ,”what’s your name?” “Where are you from?”. Initially I didn’t know what to expect once I answered those question. But now I do. “YUCK” “Pigs” and then end of chat. Even today when I type “India” as my country , almost every time girls end the chat. I understand why they do it. My countrymen have created really “great” reputation across the world. Especially among women. So I am automatically become rapist or pervert. Isn’t that cool ??
Any way I am not saying what they do is right or wrong. Fair or not fair. All I am saying that is the reality in life you get smashed for crime others to do because you share same ethnicity or skin colour. That is the reason why I don’t use Video mode. My face is “Yuck”. Forget other girls across the globe , even Indian girls SKIP it. Again isn’t that cool? I think it is cool.
Okay then stay away from Indian guys. Be Safe. Call 911 if you see an Indian guy approach you.
I was listening to Soundcloud comedy audio podcast . And this line the lady said hit me hard:
” Oh, on valentine’s day I spent my day with girls like me who have no reason to be single unless they choose to be “
The choice. What would that feel like ?
And here I am single , forced by situation. Trust me , that is not the situation you want to be in. It is sheer helplessness . I wanted it to happen to me since I was 11 ( 16 years ago). Now, I am not sure if I want it or not. Rather I am not sure what I am going to do with it.
The Choice or The Luck or Genetic lottery whatever it may be , I don’t know. The only thing I can tell is I don’t have it.
Otherwise I will die alone. Then, I will turn into a ghost and will destroy every book on this blue planet along with coffee/tea and chair & sofa. You know what I mean. You also need to make a move too.Because I can’t come inside your room to meet you, can I ? Your sacred palace guarded by Z+ security. Well, I CAN break it for YOU. But let’s try civilized way first. Ok then, see you on other side. Yes , I could tell.