THE WOMANIZER !

A womanizer is a man who always seems to have a new girlfriend, and who has no hesitation about starting up a new relationship before he’s ended the last one. Usually, these relationships are sexual and don’t last long.

I am virgin of 27 years old. I announce here that I will not waste time chasing perfect serendipitous love rather I would be trying to become A WOMANIZER.  I realised the real love is not for virgin. Sex is for virgins.

I wasted 12 years of my sex life ! Holy CRAPPY FUCK !

So , no more love crap. I am going to recover those 12 years . Hell yeah ! My plan doesn’t start in here this third world crap. As soon as I land in states , I will start the game. Barney give me blessing ! I might as well meet that dude.

You might say but dude you are ugly also still virgin . I heard alright. Art of seduction is a skill that can be learned. And I am god damn fucking good at learning.  This is happening. I am happy with my new goal. It is going to be Legen…………wait for it ………

 

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Welcome to SONA.

If you haven’t watch Prison Break then this is a SPOILER ALERT for you . Also, you will not understand my message here.

When I was in Germany and had a “privilege”  of Netflix , I watched this serial. From first episode I was hooked. I wanted to finish all seasons, but couldn’t as I had to come back to India. I watched  till the episode where Scofield escaped from SONA. Now, I can’t watch it because internet speed & charges here are “out of the world”.

Any way, this series kind of struck a chord with me. I felt like it is my story. The third world country I was born in is like Fox River which I broke in OCT 2015 after 26 years of effort . That is when I went to Germany. I was relieved you know. I could not believe it like Linc / Michael. India is nothing short of Fox River . We have too many T-bag, few Sucre , abundant Tweener etc. you name it. It is scary you know for someone who is yet to involve in physical violence or who is soft at heart. That is where I feel for Scofield. That poor thing went through hell to save his brother. He had to do stuff which he would not have done if he had a choice. Same here. I can relate to it. Prison changes you. Prison forced you to become evil. A constant struggle between right & wrong.

Till May 2016 , I was out of Fox River , but somewhere deep I knew this is not over yet. I “They” were still after me. And then it happened , I had to move back due to financial problem. It scared the crap out of me. I know this time around it it going to be more tougher than previous time. I was MOVING to SONA. I couldn’t believe how similar my life is with Prison Break. Scofield had moved to SONA. I was moving to India. You might say this is just imagination. Yes, it is until…

When I landed in India , I started feeling the HEAT.  It was 45 degree celsius. I was sweating literally from everywhere. That was hell of change from pleasant cool dreamy 8/10 degree celsius of Freiburg . The gate of HELL has opened. WELCOME TO SONA, Scofield. THE ONLY WAY OUT OF HERE IS YOUR DEATH.

At my brother’s tiny room when I sit on mat after refreshing myself , guess what I saw ?  The brand name of the mat I sat on  SONA SONA SONA .  I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was like YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME .  I was sweating again in spite of violent ceiling fan above my head.

That is the story guys. So far. I am still in SONA. I can see T-Bag has arrived. I don’t have Linc outside. I may have Sucre somewhere , but he could be busy with his wife. Sara, I am yet to meet her. I don’t know if she is alive or not. Death is constant threat. One day at a time , guys. One day. I am working on escape , but this time around it is gonna be easy . Welcome to SONA. Did you hear that? SONA SONA SONA ( Crowds cheering getting louder ) ….

Walking Dead in India

No , this is not about the Netflix serial.  But kind of related to it.

Do you know how face of dead man look ?  It looks like there is no life in it. No surprise there , dead means not alive. No blood flow. No life in skin. Insipid . Lifeless.

Where do you see those faces ? I heard you say , “funeral” You are right. You saw them in funeral you attended.  Did you enjoy those faces ? Static faces , no smile , no emotion. Did you ??  I hope not. You wish you don’t have to see them again. Instead you would like to see them “alive” “smiling” ” full of life” , right ?  I am with you on this one.  We love to see “Alive” faces. That reminds us that we are “living” creature.

NOW WHAT DO I HAVE TO SEE AROUND ME ?    DEAD PEOPLE

What a joy that is !  I have no words to explain. From Morning to Night , From January to December, from Monday to Sunday , I am privileged to live with DEAD people.  What an fucking honor !

It’s like someone has sucked LIFE out of people from this country.  They are DEAD. They know they are DEAD. They wish they are DEAD. I can see HELPLESS on their faces . I see no smile. They no longer CARE . “If you don’t like my face, don’t look” ” I hate my life that is what this face, a dead face” .

No hi , hello to stranger. Because every other stranger is COMPETITOR or BARRIER between me & my happiness. That is true ,  there isn’t enough for everyone. Someone has to die. Someone has to  be left hungry . Someone has to unhappy. Everyone just want to make sure that they are not the “someone”.

Who needs  Netflix when I can literally live “Walking Dead” in India? WHO ????  By the way, I am dead too. Trust me , now days I don’t even look myself into the mirror. What is there to see in DEAD man ??  I make faces . You can see on face that I no longer CARE. I don’t CARE that I almost ran over a girl while catching the bus. I don’t CARE people spitting on road. I don’t CARE the bus smells like urine. I don’t CARE my food might contain sweat of human or worst. BECAUSE I AM FUCKING DEAD. I am just WAITING for my body to DIE. Did you hear what I said? I AM FUCKING WALKING DEAD. Now Get out of my way .

I hope GOD is Proud of HIMSELF .  WHY WOULDn’t HE?

 

I Dream and They Live

“Don’t compare yourself with others.” We hear this wisdom passed on to us everyday. “Appreciate what you have” “Don’t look into others’ plate” and all that shit. You heard me right SHIT.

You have brain . Like good brain. You can analyse what is wrong , what is right . You can decide what you want. So you have formalise your dreams, goals. Your ideal life. And then you CAN’t seems to get it. You are being DENIED because you are in QUEUE. Let’s face it what you want is what everyone want. So WAIT and WAIT. You know you are getting old. You know “Ideal” life is pretty useless if you go bald or you don’t have teeth. You are sick of this wait.

Now you are on LinkedIn/ FB, Instagram or whatever social fuck you prefer . And there you see what ? Your IDEAL life . Yes exactly you dreamed of. It’s there . It exists. It is possible. BUT BUT I mean REAL BUTTY BUT you are not living it. Someone else is milking it in front of your eyes. SLAM . Now you don’t even have a laptop.

In what way are you expect me to be CALM by seeing what-his-face living my DREAM life. That is like watching Unfaithful all over again. It boils my blood that my dreams are being eaten alive by another human being and I can’t do anything. I am DENIED. How fair is this ?  Everyday I push myself out of the bed through this HELL because I HOPE I will live my dream life. But then I find people living it IN FRONT of my eyes. That is just wrong . That is just horrible.  Why God just end this life & dreams along with it ?  This is so wrong. This is just betrayal. Don’t compare my foot.

Experience, nothing like it.

I adore New York ; never been there ,but still like no one else. Given a choice I would shift to the city in a flash. But I can’t. I am a man of circumstances. They dictate my future. I was born in a country where there is long queue ( read 3-4 years) for immigration. Everyone wants to get the hell out of here as soon as first opportunity arrises. Who can blame Man ?  Man always had desire to do better for himself. That’s ok.

On Saturday & Sunday , I am usually free to do what I want. But I never do anything except eating & staring at my laptop. I live in a city which I hate last 6 years. Population is humongous. So , introvert like me is even afraid to step out of door .

I love sunset. But never went to see. I love dancing in rains. But never did. I love parks. But we don’t have one. I love trains . But they are smelly & crowded. I love walking. But there is no quiet place.  I love going to libraries . But we don’t have one.  I love falling in love. But I am afraid of  honour killing here .

Basically, I have been spending last 6 years’ of my weekend hiding in my room & waiting to somehow land in USA to enjoy my freedom.

Meantime I try to IMAGINE what it is like to live in New York while staring at ceiling. I try to IMAGINE what it is like to roam in the Central Park. I try to IMAGINE what it is like looking from the top of the Empire State building. I try hard to IMAGINE what it is like to immerse oneself in a crowd of Times Square. I try to IMAGINE enjoying broadway show with like minded people.  I try to IMAGINE what it is like to have philosophical conversation with your best friend while gazing at the Statue of Liberty. I try to IMAGINE what freedom tastes like.

But Guess what ? I CAN’T I CAN’T

It KILLS me that my brain isn’t capable of doing those things. I can’t imagine any of those how hard I try , how long I try.

I can’t CREATE experience via Imagination. I can’t.

That is feeling of Man who is helpless in front of circumstances. The Man who is waiting to live his life. The Man who already lost 1/3 of his life WAITING. The Man who sees no immediate sign of LIFE coming to his life. The Man who is just imagine things. The Man who has not yet EXPERIENCE the life he wants. The Man is counting on his good luck. The Man who prays almighty to help him to get his TRUE life back. The Man who is just creature of its circumstance and nothing else..

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ?????

WHY was I born in India ?

WHY is that there is something like India & something like America , WHY NOT everything like America?

WHY am I alive?

WHY am I going through these suffering?

WHY am I not rich ?

WHY have I to struggle ?

WHY do I care ?

WHY IS WHY ?

WHY IS WHY NOT ?

WHY the fuck was I involved in this cold blooded universe?

WHY is HE quite ?

WHY is HE doing this?

WHY is HE not blowing this planet and universe into flames?

 

God betrayed us….

Each second at least 4  babies are born in the world. Out of 4 ,  1 will have great life, 2 will have average life , 1 will have a life filled with poverty, misery.  Everything depends upon what they see when they open their eyes : Country .

A child born in developed country such as  Europe/USA with white skin will have a great start. On other hand , a child born in Nigeria with black skin in a family with no food for next day will have worst start.

God betrayed him. God, in this very moment, made two contrasting life. He is done now.

HOWEVER , the Nigerian child is going to suffer for next 50 years like every one born in poor country.

And people have AUDACITY to ask why some people behave differently. I mean GOD fucked his life in a second he born , what do you expect from him????????

I know what it likes to be born in third world.  I almost feel guilty of being in Germany now. Because who knew life can be so beautiful, relaxing , healthy ??

My family still lives in India , they don’t know there exist such a life. All they know is struggle.  Struggle for food, struggle for water , struggle for job , struggle for survival , struggle to be alive.  Hundred times I said , “my life in one word” – Struggle.

My people have been betrayed. God , I WANT JUSTICE FOR MY PEOPLE.

If we don’t get justice ,  we will DESTROY entire human species on this planet.  I don’t care.  We will wreck your beloved art i.e Humans into ashes. We will let you know what it feels like to be betrayed. We will have our REVENGE.

Or you kill all of us : poor, black/brown, ugly . Fuck theory of evolution !

And that’s why I show you middle finger ( towards sky) sometimes because you really fucked up our life.