If You were to follow ONLY one YOUTUBER !

Experience, nothing like it.

I adore New York ; never been there ,but still like no one else. Given a choice I would shift to the city in a flash. But I can’t. I am a man of circumstances. They dictate my future. I was born in a country where there is long queue ( read 3-4 years) for immigration. Everyone wants to get the hell out of here as soon as first opportunity arrises. Who can blame Man ?  Man always had desire to do better for himself. That’s ok.

On Saturday & Sunday , I am usually free to do what I want. But I never do anything except eating & staring at my laptop. I live in a city which I hate last 6 years. Population is humongous. So , introvert like me is even afraid to step out of door .

I love sunset. But never went to see. I love dancing in rains. But never did. I love parks. But we don’t have one. I love trains . But they are smelly & crowded. I love walking. But there is no quiet place.  I love going to libraries . But we don’t have one.  I love falling in love. But I am afraid of  honour killing here .

Basically, I have been spending last 6 years’ of my weekend hiding in my room & waiting to somehow land in USA to enjoy my freedom.

Meantime I try to IMAGINE what it is like to live in New York while staring at ceiling. I try to IMAGINE what it is like to roam in the Central Park. I try to IMAGINE what it is like looking from the top of the Empire State building. I try hard to IMAGINE what it is like to immerse oneself in a crowd of Times Square. I try to IMAGINE enjoying broadway show with like minded people.  I try to IMAGINE what it is like to have philosophical conversation with your best friend while gazing at the Statue of Liberty. I try to IMAGINE what freedom tastes like.

But Guess what ? I CAN’T I CAN’T

It KILLS me that my brain isn’t capable of doing those things. I can’t imagine any of those how hard I try , how long I try.

I can’t CREATE experience via Imagination. I can’t.

That is feeling of Man who is helpless in front of circumstances. The Man who is waiting to live his life. The Man who already lost 1/3 of his life WAITING. The Man who sees no immediate sign of LIFE coming to his life. The Man who is just imagine things. The Man who has not yet EXPERIENCE the life he wants. The Man is counting on his good luck. The Man who prays almighty to help him to get his TRUE life back. The Man who is just creature of its circumstance and nothing else..

Happy Independance Day The USA.

God bless the greatest nation this planet has ever seen .

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America, I wish I didn’t know you.

( No edit  Just writing )

I was 6 0r 7 years old when I heard a word “America”. It felt good to hear. It got register in my heart permanently. It used to make appearance here & there in newspapers , TV. I was a kid from lower middle class family living in a small village of India’s west coast. I wish I didn’t hear the word “America”. Little did I know then that my youth is going affected like never before when I would get addicted to idea of being in America.

I am 27 now , soon 28. I should have got married by now. I should have settled like my friends did. Married, Wife, Happy Parents, Peace with life. No, that is not the case. There is no peace in my life. I had just returned from Germany where my master study abrupted by lack of finance. I lost two years worth of my life. And lot money I ashamed to admit. I have put my parents into a lot of pain . My siblings have suffered. But look at me , I am still adamant on idea of “being in America”. I wish I could delete America from memory. I can’t be at peace with my life till my feet the land of opportunity.

I wish I was born there. I wish I was there already eliminating rat race which I have to go through to get there. I am loosing my life. My time . My money. My health.  So I am not really sure when I get there I will be able to enjoy. If I reach there by 30 & married. How on earth I am going to enjoy my life at NYC? Forget enjoyment can I afford it?  Someone will say move to another city , what is the point of going through all this and just to let go my goal , bucket list. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know when sun is going to shine. I don’t know when the  night is going to end. I don’t know if I will there when this done. I don’t know….