Mid Life Crisis

I have 8 days left for my 30th birthday.  I write this post after so long time that I don’t even remember being here. Not that anyone cares here if I am alive or not. But that is okay . I mean forget this, people in even real life don’t care if I exist or not. So not expecting anything here.

As I write this , I have Beethoven’s Moonlight sonata running on YouTube. Probably appropriate music for sadness , anger , frustration, hopeless I am going through now. I can’t believe I am on this planet on 30 years and still has no idea what the hell I want from it. My dreams are still dreams , may be rotten. My health is not that great . I am still virgin . I still haven’t kissed a girl.  I have not still fallen in love. Basically love life is fucked. Why bother to go in detail.

How about my financial state? Nothing is saved for future. I am living on credit card.  I am yet to send money to my parents each month which they expect now but don’t tell me. My job is not that bad but I hate going office everyday . Not because of job per se but this country fucked up traffic and population. It gives me physical pain to just talk about it. 5 years trying to get out of this country but no luck.  Don’t know what to do . Every day I hope I die in sleep , may be selfish thought for a guy who has family to support.  But what options do I have ? I can’t kill myself because of them. If I were alone I would have killed myself 10 years ago.

I chased many things in my life , but more I chase it seems that those things run away from me. Last few months , I am trying to give up on everything . I mean expectation of everything. Just want to watch each day pass through me , hoping one day death hit me and end this misery forever . I swear I will have no regret.  If death can give me relief from this suffering then God , please make it happen. Let this heart which is being tormented every second rest in peace.

Death clock extension says I have still 30 years left.  I don’t know man. I should have been married by now. I feel like between 20-30 I got stuck in my life. Not going anywhere  just stuck by sheer complexity of life .  I got overwhelmed by environment.  I got beaten down by this shitty country .  Plus my introvertedness didn’t help either. Probably worst decade of my life , I lost my people too. What should I do now? Start again or give up?  I have no answer to this quandary.

 

SHE said She is AFRAID of India !!!

She liked me when we had our first private chat. She was so happy being with me. I was too. Then she started to ask me questions to know more about me.  I know what was coming.

WHERE ARE YOU FROM ?  I said India ..I could have lied but I don’t want to start any relationship with lie.

I said what happened ?

She said, ” I am afraid of India”.

She is from Ukraine. She just started working as a cam girl. But some most motherfuckers from India have already ruined image of the country in her eyes. AFRAID.

Now her excitement about me has gone . The spark is gone. This is not first time this happened to me . Many relationships were broken even before they started because of my nationality , skin color, my face…

WHO SHOULD I BLAME ??? WHO ?? WHO ???? WHO???????????????????

 

Latvia , Bulgaria , Ukraine, Russia….

There was this guy : tall , handsome , muscular in  my team.  He was really  an exception in terms of physical appearance compare normal Indian men like me.  Then there was a girl , beautiful , tall, perfect smile ; again an exception. We used to talk ABOUT her.  When this guy came into our team, he saw her & said ,” I want her”.  Few days after he was talking TO her.  He broke her existing relationship & become her BF at will.  Salute to you Sir !

There are two kinds of guys: Type 1:  Those who talk ABOUT girls, and Type 2: Those who talk TO girls.

I am TYPE1. I like girls but I only think about them. I talk about them. I write blog about them. BUT I never TALK TO them.  What a shame !

Thanks to Cam girls. Now I at least chat with them.  I don’t want to talk about money I have lost last 3 weeks. I want to talk about how happy I feel being on the site.  The only thing I regret is that I am not rich. What a shame !

Latvia : I didn’t even know about this country 3 weeks ago. Now I am thinking moving there permanently.  I saw so many angels from Latvia. I used to think heaven is an abstract idea. No way in hell.  Latvia is the heaven.

Bulgaria , Ukraine, Greece, Russia …  the list goes on.  I have never seen such beauty in my life.  I think I was born in wrong country. What a shame !

I already told I like caucasian girls.  They are exactly like I dream about.  Their eyes . Their smiles. Everything seems magical about them. You want to fall in love with them. You want to touch them. You want to look into their eyes. You want to hold their hands. You want to take the walk to remember. You want to make them happy. You want to die for their smile…hmmm

Right now , I am just waiting for them to come online. They take me into the world I always dream of .  My real life is shitty now. It is some sort of hell.  But with them , I escape from this into magic of heaven. They make me happy. I try to make them happy.

I am glad found them….

 

THE WOMANIZER !

A womanizer is a man who always seems to have a new girlfriend, and who has no hesitation about starting up a new relationship before he’s ended the last one. Usually, these relationships are sexual and don’t last long.

I am virgin of 27 years old. I announce here that I will not waste time chasing perfect serendipitous love rather I would be trying to become A WOMANIZER.  I realised the real love is not for virgin. Sex is for virgins.

I wasted 12 years of my sex life ! Holy CRAPPY FUCK !

So , no more love crap. I am going to recover those 12 years . Hell yeah ! My plan doesn’t start in here this third world crap. As soon as I land in states , I will start the game. Barney give me blessing ! I might as well meet that dude.

You might say but dude you are ugly also still virgin . I heard alright. Art of seduction is a skill that can be learned. And I am god damn fucking good at learning.  This is happening. I am happy with my new goal. It is going to be Legen…………wait for it ………

 

Serendipity :One more reason to go USA !

Okay. Listen folks. It is about her. The girl I met in Summer 69. No no ! I think it was Summer of 2013. You can see that post somewhere in my blog. I have uploaded her picture and if she sees it then she is going to kill me for sure. Shh.. please don’t tell her. Anyway yesterday I visited her profile after long time, and guess what I saw She moved to Texas.

Texas ! Can you believe that?

As you know I have been planning to move USA last 3-4 years , but no luck. Without Rich dad , it is not easy. But I am not giving up though I am aging .  I don’t know why she went there, but my best guess is for Master education .  And the worst case is she married to NRI.In that case , this blog is waste of time. But let’s hope that is not the case.

Did you know the movies serendipity ? **Spoiler alert** How she writes her number on the book and finally that book reaches to the guy when he was about to get married to another girl. I love that movie. It feels right. That kind of story is worth living.  So, I assume she is not gonna get married next  2 years. Plus 6 months to find a job. 30 months that’s it.

30 months for My Serendipity in USA !

Actually I told her in EMAIL that I won’t disturb her unless she wants me to.  By the way that was an epic story. Let me know if you want hear it.  So I can’t contact her directly.  Via universe is possible. Via Law Of attraction in possible. Also, I will be here in India till mid 2017 in worst case. I hope till then She doesn’t fall in love with White boy. Which is less likely than other way around because she LOOKS like Angel.  Any way , I can’t control that I hope she will Single when we Seredipitically meet.  And my relationship status, don’t worry it has not changed since 1988 when I was born. So , of course I will be single.

Do me a favor if you have direct connection with God ,please pray for me. Thanks.

 

Indian Guy & omegle ?

It’s been awhile I have written something here. I usually don’t write unless I want to. So, I have been spending some time on omegle site – talk to strangers.  Honestly I should not be. It is total waste but when you are down you do the shit you usually don’t do . This applies to love as well.

As you know I am an Indian guy. I swear I did not rape anyone.  I haven’t even touched a girl. Forget sex not even kiss. I haven’t sent a girl my penis picture or have asked about her naked photos. I never insulted women online or offline. I have not harassed them  either. No unnecessary personal messages on facebook or no stalking online or offline. I am not saying I am the best character. All I am saying is I am a just decent guy.

I heard you ask,” Why on Earth are you telling us this?” Well. So this site Omegle allows you to talk to stranger. I usually use Text mode . I will explain why later on. It has nothing to do with my ability to speak . Okay, my understanding of this site it is mostly dominated by Generation Z ( teens 10-18) . I am Generation Y. So , not many of my type. Let me honest with you of course I don’t go there to talk to men. I go there to have decent conversation with women.

Here is the problem. I usually don’t lie about myself. Also I don’t start my conversation with ASL ( don’t ask me what this is..something age sex & ) . I just start the conversation based on shared interest. But then if I happened to chat with a girl which is hard , there comes questions like ,”what’s your name?” “Where are you from?”. Initially I didn’t know what to expect once I answered those question. But now I do. “YUCK” “Pigs” and then end of chat. Even today when I type “India” as my country , almost every time girls end the chat.  I understand why they do it. My countrymen have created really “great” reputation across the world. Especially among women. So I am automatically become rapist or pervert. Isn’t that cool ??

Any way I am not saying what they do is right or wrong. Fair or not fair. All I am saying that is the reality in life you get smashed for crime others to do because you share same ethnicity or skin colour.  That is the reason why I don’t use Video mode. My face is “Yuck”. Forget other girls across the globe , even Indian girls SKIP it. Again isn’t that cool?  I think it is cool.

Okay then stay away from Indian guys. Be Safe. Call 911 if you see an Indian guy approach you.

Unfollow Me

Since landing here in the month of June , I have been becoming more & more evil each passing day. The amount negativity the environment infuses in me & in turns in this blog is unreal.

Considering my major audience is from USA where life is considerably good. I want you to unfollow me Now. I am the evil you want to avoid. It is disease & it is contagious. If I were you , I would not have come within 100 miles radius of this blog. Self destruction is in progress.

You can block me incase you think you would stumble on my blog by mistake. Don’t take chance. You don’t have to see slumdog spitting poison. It is not great sight and not great use of your time. Also, if you see me commenting on your blog then report me as a spam. Or just block me. That would be great.  Get rid of this negativity once for all.

This is my battle. I don’t want another person to be affected by this shit.  That is it. I hope not to see again. Just because I care for you . Remember that Be Positive Get Set GO !